


Now I Wanna Hold You, Hold You Close

by gldenheart



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Kid Fic, Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sharing a Bed, Short One Shot, Sick Fic, The Night That Changed Everything, They Are Soft™️, They Gay And In Love (They Just Don’t Know It Yet)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 12:37:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20209873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gldenheart/pseuds/gldenheart
Summary: ( A Concept ) The first time Bucky cried in front of Steve was also the first time Bucky ever saw him deathly ill.





	Now I Wanna Hold You, Hold You Close

They were young, no more than eleven and twelve and a half. They’d been friends, utterly inseparable from the day they’d met, for only a few months since the first days of spring.

Of course, Steve had hinted to Bucky many times of the constant threat of illness that haunted him again and again but Bucky had always shaken off his gloomy words with a light chuckle, ruffling Steve’s fluffy golden head without much worry. After all, how could his fiery, bold little friend, his eyes as wild and tremulous as the stormy altantic, ever be weakened by something as temporary as sickness? It was impossible in Bucky’s carefree head. At least it was, until that very autumn.

Influenza occurred often enough throughout Brooklyn in the colder seasons. To Bucky, it merely meant mildly annoying symptoms and long, boring hours spent in bed. But in all his years, the sickness had never seemed threatening or frightening. and certainly never, ever fatal. Knowing Steve changed that forever.

The first time Steve’s coughs shook his wiry frame, so hard he struggled to catch his breath, Bucky’s fear felt like ice. Cold, unshakable. Steve was quickly quarantined to his bed where he laid, glassy eyed and convulsing with violent chills day after day. At his doctor’s advice, both Mrs. Rogers and his parents insisted Bucky keep his distance. But soon, days became a week. And Steve remained weakened, his symptoms unchanged. Bucky lasted, holding back his desperation, pacing and worrying away his hours till he just _couldn’t anymore._

_”James,” _Sarah Rogers sighed wearily, her exhaustion clear in the lines of her brow. The dark circles under her usually bright eyes matching his own. 

“Mrs. Rogers, _please,”_ Bucky said, his plaintive, earnest gaze tugging at her resolve. He shuffled his feet restlessly, outside the old, brick flat, the first snowflakes of October melting in his unruly, dark curls. “I gotta see him.”

_He needs me._

Sarah Rogers knew as well as anyone, as stubborn as her own son could be, James Barnes had proven himself to be just, if not twice, as mule-headed when he set his mind to something. Especially when it involved Steven. There was no getting rid of him now and truth be told, she didn’t have the heart to try. 

She sighed once more, this time with a gentle if slightly pained smile. 

“I’ll phone your ma to tell her you’ll be staying with us tonight,” she said over her shoulder, heading back inside towards the kitchen. “Lord knows, I’m not letting you walk back five blocks at this hour.”

Hands in pockets, wordlessly, Bucky stepped through the door, with a small nod. Relief had caught the thanks in his throat, but somehow, he knew she understood. Without another comment, he rushed up the rickety staircase, pausing just at Steve’s doorway. His gaze swiftly raked over the small body resting in the great worn bed. 

Blood-shot, weary eyes flickered open to meet his but somehow, Steve didn’t seem too surprised at his friend’s sudden arrival. 

“Heya, Buck,” Steve barely managed to whisper, around a tight grimace he probably meant to be a brave smile. He attempted to sit upright, but winced and laid back down.

_So weak. _

“How do I look? Pretty awful, huh?”

Any other time, Bucky could’ve easily shot back, _“like hell”_ or _“fuckin’ awful, Rogers.”_ Which most likely would’ve earned him either a pinched look of disapproval at his swearing or a slight grin followed by an exaggerated, if resigned roll of his eyes, depending on Steve’s varying mood.

But not this night. Not when Steve, willful and _wonderful_ Steve, lay curled in on himself. Looking so gaunt, so pale. 

_Like a fuckin’ corpse ready to be lowered into a grave. _

Not when he couldn’t stop himself from imagining all the nightmarish hours he knew his friend had spent either shuttering with fever or hacking his lungs out. All those hours spent in agony, alone. He fucking _couldn’t._

He could barely see Steve’s expression rapidly change into one of shock through the hot tears clouding his gaze, threatening to choke him from the inside out. He couldn’t even pretend to hold it together for either of their sakes. In four steps, he was at Steve’s bedside.

And without a second of hesitation, ignoring Steve’s soft, if slightly started gasp, he kicked off his shoes and climbed under the heavy quilts, pulling Steve’s back against his chest, grasping him firmly.

Holding him with the greedy distress only the deeply terrified experience.

One that growls, deep and savage at every fabric of the universe, **_this one is mine and _you will not take him.**

“You’re not dying on me, Stevie,” he rasped wetly, with a conviction so deep it shook both of them to the core, lips grazing the back of Steve’s fevered neck as he spoke. “Not now, not ever. _I won’t fuckin’ let you.”_

Only Steve grasping him back just as tightly and possessively, after a moment of stunned hesitation, soothed his heavy sobs into a steady, trickling flow.

“Shh… okay, Buck. It’s okay. I’ll be okay…” Another pause, longer than the first. “Couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, jerk.”

Bucky chuckled wetly, crushing Steve as close as he could. His dumb, sappy heart feeling so goddamn full he wondered if it was possible to burst with this much feeling. Wondered if everyone felt like this with their person, their best friend.

Or did he just happen to be the luckiest sonofabitch in the world.

“Shut your eyes, punk, and go to sleep. And you better be well on your way to being healthier than a damn horse in the morning.”

”I’ll see what I can do.”

Grinning from ear to ear, he nudged his forehead softly against the back of Steve’s neck once more, before settling them both down into the covers more securely. 

Snow fell silently outside the bedroom window till morning and for the first time in days, the icy fear in Bucky’s heart began to melt away.

**Author's Note:**

> Endgame who? I’m writing from 2012 when we all still had hope for canon-stucky in the MCU and all was right with the world. ( And yes, if you know Hadestown, the title is inspired from the musical. ) Please comment and tell me what you think!


End file.
